Spring Cleaning

Something that inevitably needs to be done every year...especially with having a kid - going through the toys. Except this year is a bit different, she's not here and I haven't gone through any of her stuff since moving into the apartment. I finally decided that its time to go through her toys today...I got some hooks the other day at Wal-Mart to hang her toy net, so I can get them out of the huge bin and get the bin out of her room, I also got some screws for the toy shelf...but the ones I got are too big. I went to toss the toys in the toy net and got to the bottom of the bin, only to find the sheet that was draped across the stairs the morning I found that he'd taken off with her I'm not sure how much longer I can take her not being here with me. If I were to just end it all today, it would take a few days to notice that I'm not alive anymore...I live alone. It's not like when he took off with her that I was there to notice they were gone. I just want this hurt and pain to go away...I'm done with it.

busy, weird, and some rambling...

Wow! This quarter has had me pretty busy...between school work (most of my time) and some personal business, this quarter is flying by. I'm just hoping the next few weeks don't drag on, dead week and finals week. I finally got my name change official :) as of two weeks ago...I didn't go with the original planned name, I did an entire name change. I went with Asher Quinn M. (for privacy reasons I'm not putting my full last name). I got almost everything taken care of pertaining to my name change...just my cell phone bill is being a pain. The night before my name change became finalized, my mother decided to call me...was an interesting conversation - we talked on the phone for nearly an hour about my being transgender and my name change...both of which they're actually now okay with both. I almost dropped my phone when my mother told me that they were okay with me being transgender, the people who kicked me out for almost three months when I came out to them about being gay (or so I thought) in high school. Now they're suddenly okay with it?!?!? My family confuses me. I love them, but they confuse me.

Ok...different subject (entirely)...

I keep having these weird dreams, I can't explain them at all...I'm post surgery and instead of being with a female, which is what I'm attracted to...I'm with another guy. I'm not talking casually with him, we're very intimate in this dream. I can't explain, nor do I understand, why I'm having sex with another guy in this dream. This is something I wish that I could understand, because then it would, likely, explain a few other things that I'm having to "deal with" lately. I'm not sure if it is the hormones or what...I'm trying to figure out if the hormones can change my way of thinking that much??? I know that they change some of your physical appearances and such, but can they change your thought patterns? If not, then this is the weirdest series of dreams that I have ever experienced.