Well, this week has been interesting...the new quarter started in Monday, then on Tuesday night I get a call from RJ offering for me to get Ali in Wednesday through tomorrow. Even though I know that his "kindness" has some sort of motive behind it, but I took advantage of the offer. I'm thankful for my niece, she watched Ali while I was in class for me..but currently I'm having to figure out how I'm going to come up with the money for my airline ticket to go to the court hearing next month. I was going to borrow Ali's birthday and allowance money to help pay for it, but I have a hard time doing that...that and she decided to get a pet snake with her money. I'm not 100% fond of the idea of the pet snake, but through exposure I will get over my fear of snakes. I've already managed to hold it once, though I dropped it when it looked at me. I know it's silly...but I'm afraid of it biting me.
Right now, I'm worried about not being able to purchase the airline ticket, and then not having a shot in the dark of being able to get custody of Ali. I keep getting told to "leave it up to God and to trust that he will provide"...it's hard to trust that it'll all work out when child support is taking just over half my paycheck each week. Shit like that makes "living" difficult. I love my daughter, I know she wants to live out here, but if I don't get the airline ticket...it's not going to be possible. Then there is proving his allegations wrong. I'm at the point of trying to figure out what in the world I did wrong to cause him to leave. I did still care about him...
I seem to have this habit of either push people away or they just leave. In the end...I'll always be alone.
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