Lately things have been...confusing. I took my brother's suggestion and put my hair back to a natural colour. I've also been working on my mannerisms, which is going to be an ongoing learning experience (at least for a while)...I'm working on what mannerisms are more masculine than others, which is where I'm trying to figure out. I'm not entirely sure what I am or might be doing wrong. I know that people are now doing a "double take" trying to figure out if I'm male or female, which for me is cool...because that's what I'm going for. I want people to think I'm a guy...it means I look like who I was meant to be. I've been getting called "dude" and "sir" a lot more often :) Yay! But, I want to get referred to as "he" more often...but I don't know how to go about correcting people on that. Especially those who are used to referring to me as "she"...I've been reading up and chatting with some people on how to pass more like a guy. Some suggestions have been good. I value all the suggestions that I can get at this point. I've changed the way I style my hair, combing it from a side part vs. parting it down the middle...I bind any time I leave the house (with few exceptions)...I'm saving up for a binding shirt, should be more comfortable w/less bruising. I ended up with several bruises from binding, that and after a while it's hard to breath after binding for an entire day. I find that, for the most part, I'm happier being able to be and dress the way I want without any restrictions. I'm gradually working on what is referred to as "social transition", which I will likely stick with...unless I'm able to come up with the money for the surgery. I've been greatly debating on having the surgery. *sigh* I don't know though. I want to, but then again...I'm still debating it. I guess it's just the nervousness of something major like that in my life. I could only imagine the nervousness from eagerness that someone would feel the day before getting even part of the surgery done. I think that over time, I'll decide weather or not to go through it. Right now, "social transition" is nerve wrecking enough for me... :)
God loves me for who I am and where I'm at, unconditionally.
I love myself for who I am regardless of what others may say or think.
"Above all else: To thin own self be true..." -William Shakesphear
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