hate it

I'm hating all of this. I hate the lies that have been put out there. I hate the deception that has been going on since January. I hate that this is all my fault. If I don't come up with the money I need by the end of the week, I'm not going to be able to afford to catch a flight out to SeaTac airport for the first court date. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I'm going to do if I don't get to see my daughter soon. It's now been two weeks since I've seen her...the only time I've gone this long without seeing her is when she was at sleep-away camp. *sigh* I hate this feeling. She was my world...it feels like my heart has been ripped out and stomped on. I'm having to move into a smaller place because of all of this, which is a process in itself. Everyone keeps telling me to trust in God, he'll make it to where I come up with what I need...if that were the case, why did RJ take off with Bug without telling me how he felt??? The God I know....*sigh* whatever.