Lonely

It's now been a week since I've seen Bug and RJ. It's weird, but I miss them both. I'm having to pack everything up, because I need to move into a smaller place. I went to go pack RJ's room up, and unlike most people, I neatly packed RJ's clothes. I figure even though I'm having to use yard waste bags to pack his clothes, it doesn't mean I shouldn't pack his clothes as neatly as I can. Maybe I'm weird, but I still care about him. I feel like I lost my two best friends when he took off. I would give up everything to have them back. I would go as far as denying who I am if it meant them coming back. It's all my fault that they're gone...if I would have continued being the "perfect" housewife and kept my personal life private, then none of this would have happened. I'd still have my family. I haven't spoken to Ali in two days now...I miss hearing her voice, her laugh...just hearing her. As much of a chatter box as she is, I would LOVE to hear her chattering, hell I'd pay to hear her chattering little voice. I wish I wouldn't have fucked things up so much that he felt he had to take off with her. If he'd of just come to me and told me that he couldn't "take it any longer" I would have agreed to a divorce, and we could have worked things out as adults...but instead he had to act like a child and run away. I wish I could fix what I did....