Thinking

Its weird, when I sit down and talk to my brother...he pretty much always has my mind going, thinking about something. He, some how, always seems to be in a decent mood and is able to lift mine up just by being around him. Then there are the days that, only a few hours later, my mom calls and rips me apart. I just don't understand the woman. I try to "tip-toe" around her, so that I don't upset or offend her...yet there's nothing I can do about it. I swear the woman is bipolar. She's, right now, swinging from a high to a low...and I'm getting the brunt of it. Shit! Love her to death...thank God I'm as far away from her as I am. I don't have to deal with her mood swings constantly. She gets mean when she's in a low. Yiesh!!! I'm starting to wonder how I made it through my teen years with her. Could explain her kicking me out when I first "came out" to her and my step-dad. Love them to death. They wonder why I'm in counseling. Oi!
Now that I went on my little rant.
This time my brother got me thinking about porn...go freakin' figure. He'd asked me why I'm "turned off" by m/f porn...I told him that I don't know. Walking home, I think that I figured it out, the times that I did see m/f porn was when in h.s and it was really crappy amateur stuff. So, I'd only had a few experiences with it and since then all I've seen was f/f. Seeing that I have to use the school's wifi service, I can't exactly look much up. Even with it being my own personal computer, everything is freakin' blocked. This city has nothing...not even a REAL bookstore. A Barnes & Noble or Borders bookstore would be so awesome to see out here....but NOOOOO....of course not! There's no newsstand to buy magazines. It's like this podunk area doesn't know what the real world is. What I wouldn't give to be able to go to a real bookstore or newsstand, where I can actually get a magazine or have a decent choice of what I want to get. Not all this censored b.s.
Okay, so now that I've gone on two rants in a row...things are...well, going. It's been 3 weeks since I've seen Bug, and am hopeful to get to see or (preferably) get her back on the 6th. We'll see. I'm just hopeful to make it out there. I just need to find a bank to rob. Then I'll make it out there...j/k btw on robbing a bank, just frustrated right now. I'm just praying that something...a miracle happens, SOON.