This week has been...interesting. I've had Bug all week, which after not hardly having her for a quarter of the year, it's [unfortunately] weird to have her here for this long...I've gotten so used to my routine that it's weird being out of it. Don't get me wrong, I love her to death...just getting her back is going to be a huge adjustment for me. This week alone we lost half a day twice because if running around that I needed to get done. Things I was used to doing without having to worry about having her "in toe"...
I feel like I'm a failure as a parent. I had a date this week that, yeah, could have been canceled...but I chose to move it up one day so that I could keep it - I hear it now, my mother saying that I was being selfish by keeping the date, how I shouldn't even be dating...maybe she's right.
I'm just glad that I really don't have much contact with her anymore, it's probably for the best. I've learned to limit or cut contact with those who "drag me down"...mostly because I've come so far, emotionally, that I don't want to take a million steps back after all the progress I've made.
On a better note, I've taken another HUGE step on my journey...I started testosterone injections the day before yesterday. Yay!!!!! I'm going to start tracking my progress with the testosterone treatments. I'm debating on continuing using this blog for that or using a separate blog...if I use a separate one, it'll one that will only focus around that particular part of my journey - my journey to manhood. I was so ecstatic at the doctor's office...I couldn't sit down to wait to have my blood work done. My doctor's nurse seemed to find humor in my excitement, she asked me if I was a little eager, with a smile on her face. I was the happiest about not needing to go to an endocrinologist to get the testosterone shots, I actually have gotten used to seeing my PCP (even with having a male doctor) that I'm not sure how I would feel going to a different clinic and seeing a different doctor. I have a hard enough time seeing a different doctor at the clinic I'm currently at. I'm just SO happy that I got brave enough to actually ask about it.
other than that my week has gone quite well...even with the oddness of having Bug...though u found that she's not afraid to 100% speak her mind with people. I had an individual ask me, as we were waiting for the bus at Walmart, if I had just gotten off work...before I could say anything Bug voices up, "no this is how she normally dresses (in her "like duh!" tone)..." the poor guy didn't have a fighting chance, before he could comment, she continued, "....if she dressed any differently, I probably wouldn't recognize her." God bless my daughter...how I dress and act have become "normal" to her. It'll make my transition easy for her...it'll be "normal" to her. Now just figuring out what she should call me once the testosterone effects really start to show...I guess that's one thing I didn't think about. I'm just glad that I finally got brave enough to take this step.
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