As we near the end of winter quarter, I'm afraid I'm not going to get off of academic probation. I'm doing quite well in most of my classes, except my math class. My teacher has worked with me the best he can, but I'm SO behind on my lessons that I can't even take the current test that was this past week. I feel like a failure. I don't know what to do...I've tried to re-examine the lectures online and they just don't make sense to me. I'm now on binomials and trinomials and it all just looks like alphabet soup to me...I don't think I'll ever understand this.
To make matters worse, RJ still hasn't found work yet...we're not going to be able to "stay afloat" much longer...not with me having to pay out of pocket for my medication. I'm about ready to just say screw the medication because the money that I'm spending on them, can go other places. I dare not tell RJ how broke we really are because then he'd flip....we've "managed" almost two months on next to nothing...now we're down to almost literally nothing. Bug's birthday is just barely over a month away, and I've not a clue how we're going to pull anything off this year. I feel stupid...because stupid can't be fixed...and I'm beyond being "fixed." I'm in a failed relationship, that we both agreed isn't going anywhere. We also agreed that we can't afford to 1. live on our own and 2. a divorce...so 3. we're stuck living together...don't get me wrong I enjoy his company, but he's more like a brother to me than a husband.
It's so weird....
all my life I've been afraid of the world and what everyone else is going to think of me....now that I don't care...everything is just crashing down all around me....
I hate this feeling....
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