I feel like crap. I can't sleep. I don't want to work on this blasted eight page (soon to be longer) personal history paper. I know that I need to, eventually, face some of the shit that I've been through that I've already written about in my paper....but does it have to be now? Can I just put it off??? My counselor thinks this paper is a good way to "get it all out", I think she's crazier then me. My med doctor thinks that I should hold off on dealing with too much at one time...for once I think he might be right about something. Only problem, which one do I listen to? Cause most times they're both, in my personal opinion, crazier than I am.
I don't know however....
It's just been a rather difficult past few days.
I did bring up my "cutting" issue to both of them. It was weird telling them. But I did admit that there are worse things that I could be doing. It's not like I do it to get attention...I do it so that I can "feel" something, so that I can remember that I am still alive. I got a leather bracelet to keep my wrist covered so that I don't get a million questions from people I interact with daily. I'm not ashamed of it, but rightfully so it's none of their damn business. I already had to answer questions about my one rainbow earring, which I "tap danced" around...because I'm afraid of being judged because of what I am...I don't want to get asked about how can I be gay and be married, explaining that would make things even more interesting. Like my English paper isn't going to open a whole new "can of worms"...this will be interesting. But, people can draw their own conclusions...I'm nervous to see how people react.
Only time will tell...
I just hope that I manage to get out of this "funk" soon.
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