Long day...got two papers written. One being my English paper on a meaningful experience, it had to be a page to a page and a half...mine ended up being closer to two pages. Oh well. The second paper is for my Psych class, that one had to be 8 pages, double spaced, 12 pt font...mine ended up 8 pages, double spaced 10 pt font and I still haven't covered the genogram...it's going to be 9 pages with the genogram...and I left some info out. I'm going to print what I have so far and edit, add the missing info where it should go and pray for the best.
I still have my article review to write, which will be easy....that's only a one page paper and I can do it with my eyes shut...I have to study for my math test that I had put off...I get to take it tomorrow, which I'll do the review in the morning so that it's fresh in my mind, I'm still having some trouble with thought process and memory...so I want it fresh in my mind before the test. I think (hope) that I'll be able to get completely caught up with my math class this week, but I'm not 100% sure. I still haven't figured out the concept of polynomials...I hate math...and somehow I hear my brother laughing something about the field of study I'm going into involving quite a few math classes. Oi!
I'm struggling to keep in a, somewhat, good mood. Which right now is really hard. I hate this. I hate how I feel. I hate being afraid of walking to my classes b/c of fear of another student slamming me into something (like a wall)...I've had that happen so many times in high school that whenever a group of guys walks by me, I cringe. I just want to hide in a dark hole and never come out...I hate always being afraid of everything, everyone. I'm scared that if I tell the doc that does my rx's how I really feel that he's just going to have me "locked up" and that's not what I want. I manage to avoid talking about certain subjects during my counseling sessions...but I don't know how long I'll be able to continue avoiding talking. Hell, I was embarrassed today when I almost cried in front of my brother. He's the only one that's seen me really cry...it's weird. I'm comfortable talking to him about almost anything...I guess it's because I know he won't judge me. I know he and his family don't judge me...they're my family and they love me. Which is cool :) I wish I could be as comfortable with the counselor I'm with as I am with my brother...but I don't know how to get to that point.
...I'm so lost.
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