Frustrated

Well, my mother asked me last night why I preferr wearing men's clothes vs women's, I ended up telling her that it's because I'm more comfortable in them. What I wanted to say was, "because I'm transsexual, plus it's the way I'm comfortable dressing." However, I can't seem to bring myself to tell her. I don't know if its because I'm scared of her reaction or me just trying to appease her by not saying anything. *sigh* I'm trying to live by, "Above all: to thine own self be true." -William Shakesphear But its really hard to live by when you're still not fully accepting of yourself. I still, at times, look at myself trying to figure out “why me?" I don't understand why I was born the way I was...no one else in my family, that I know of, is this physically and mentally screwed up.
Anyhow...I left this morning for my court date on tomorrow morning. I'm not looking foward to this. I get her back right now, towards the end of this month I won't know where we're going to live...unless I come up with $2000 towards my tuition. I don't get her back, I may loose my mind..yet I'll still loose my apartment. Either way you look at it, it's a loose, loose situation. There's no way of me coming up with that much money, especially not in two weeks...its just impossible. I asked my sister if I could borrow money from her, and she's unable to. I fear asking my mother and father, even though it would be to help out their only grandchild. This is just frustrating...when it rains, it freaking pours. At this rate, I'm going to have to go back home to my parent's house...which, honestly, is the last place I want to have to go. Unfortunately, it may be the only choice I have. Even then, I don't think I'd be able to do that...I don't think I'd be able to leave the state with her. So...that would mean RJ would get custody of her...then I'd hardly ever get to see her. I need to figure something out, and SOON. When I get her back, I don't want to loose her again.