Ever since RJ took off, things have been weird for me...you never realize how much you depend on someone else's presence until they're not there anymore. I'm having to depend on myself for everything, which isn't something I'm used to having to do. I moved into this apartment only a few weeks ago, and I have to move out already. This sucks! I know that this problem is external and that I need to work through it, it just feels impossible. Me moving out might end up being a good thing, but I won't know until it’s already happened. RJ called today telling me that Dennis and Tracy are willing to help move mine and RJ’s belongings if I help out with gas costs, not a problem...I was planning on borrowing money from my family to rent the trailer (which doesn’t cost a lot) so that I can get my belongings moved. Then he told me that I have to get rid of somewhere around 75-90% of MY belongings, including furniture. So, now I’m having to go through all of my stuff, not that I wasn’t already doing so, and get rid of more things then I was planning. The way I look at it right now is, it’s just “stuff”...not like it can’t be replaced if I need it again. I am going to be able to keep all of my books, which I’m happy about. Now I’m down to where the heck am I going to stay while I’m out there? At least until I get a job and am able to get a place of my own…my brother said he would, except right now he’s got him, his partner, and 8 other people staying with him. Which is understandable, even with being in a good size place (he’s in a 4 bedroom house) things can/will eventually become cramped. I’m just at the point of, wtf am I going to do come the end of the month??? If I don’t find someone I can stay with, soon, I’m going to have to look into shelter programs…as much as I’d rather not. For the first time in my life, I’m scared of, “what’s going to happen?” I don’t know…maybe I’m becoming scared for no reason. I’m going to be applying for “Section 8” housing tomorrow…but there’s at least a 6 month waiting period. *sigh* What am I supposed to do for that 6 months??? I’m doing what I can to better myself, and what I have to in order to get custody of my daughter. I know that normally it’s three steps forward and one step back, right now it feels like one step forward and five steps back. I’m trying to stay positive, but today it seems really hard to do so. I’m trying the best I can to try to keep this in perspective that this can be worked through; trying to figure out how is what’s getting to me. When we lived in Western Washington I was able to figure out or find resources for pretty much anything…out here, with such few resources…I don’t know where to turn. Even though I know a few people here, I don’t feel comfortable asking any of them if I can stay at their place until my brother in Shoreline can let me stay with him or I get into “Section 8” housing…whichever happens first.
Besides all that mess…I’m sick and tired of this stinkin’ sprinkler shooting through my window at 4a…I’ve been remembering, most nights, to shut my window before I fall asleep. Well, needless to say, last night I forgot to…I got a face full of water around 4a. Yiesh!!! When I woke up around 8a, I was able to look back and laugh about my mistake and how I deserved the face full of water. I’m pretty sure I’m not going to make that mistake again tonight, or for the rest of the week either. Other than the few irritations, in which I ranted about, my day has actually been pretty good. Going through stuff has been a little stressful, but it’s something that needed to be done anyways. I just, having to do it in such a short amount of time, am getting a bit stressed and overwhelmed. Though I’ve found my gerbils to be of great humor today, I’m sitting watching them and apparently I’ve got two trouble makers. Watching them, I found that two of them have figured out how to climb on the wheel and chew on the top edge of the fish tank they’re in…and damned if the other two catch on…I think I’m going to be in trouble here before too long. Though, this is humorous because they’ll get their balance and then one of the others will start running on the wheel, knocking them down. This is too funny…cheep amusement :) Gotta’ love it :)
Yashuah loves me regardless of who I am.
I love myself for who I am, regardless of what others may say or think.
"Above all else: To thine own self be true..."
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