Well, today ended up being busier than expected...which made time go by rather quickly. I had a meeting at DSHS with their social worker to do my intake for their ABD (Aged, Blind, and Disabled) program, which would get me not only medical, but cash and keep my on food assistance. Which would be helpful, considering the last few interviews I had, I blew. I had such an anxiety issue during them, I couldn't sit still or talk clearly...to top all matters off, I couldn't keep eye contact at all. I hate interviews. I wouldn't mind finding a job, but I can't seem to make it through the interview part. My job with Blockbuster, that lasted the longest out of any job I'd ever had (lasted just over 3 years), the manager was very understanding of my anxiety issues and even helped me out when I was working. She and most of the shift leaders knew how to tell if I couldn't handle being on register anymore and would have me check movies in, take stock count...anything else. Then the new manager took over the store and wasn't willing to work with me...hence my getting fired from that job. I enjoy working, it's just really hard to do tedious work. Most of my jobs have been tedious work after a short time. I would always try to do my best, but...I don't know, people (co-workers) would just annoy me...and, well, my filter between my brain and mouth wouldn't always work. Unfortunately, I would often get into trouble, fired, because of my "moodiness" (unpredictable mood). I look forward to the day that I'm 100% stable on my medication; which would take my shrik listening to me (not likely to happen) and put me on what I know works. I just wish I had a doctor that would listen to me, for once...it's my freaking body!!! I know what does and doesn't work damn it!!!
On a positive note...
While going through stuff in my storage "closet," I found a bunch of poems that I wrote back in high school :) I'm happy :) I also found the book I wrote back in high school, now I can go through it and re-type it out and fix the errors. It won't be anything I really publish, not for sale at least. I'll have just a few copies published for a few select people. I wrote it for fun, not with the purpose of publishing and selling it...that's how I'd want to keep it. I love to write, but I don't want to be anything like my sister, writing to make money. I do it for the pure enjoyment of it. Now, working for the school newspaper, that's another story...that's not really writing I "enjoy," that I do for the purpose of making money. There's a difference between writing you enjoy and writing you do for the purpose of making money...they should never be intertwined, at least in my personal opinion. I love to write :) but it's not my life, it's only a fraction of who I am.
"Above all else: To thine own self be true..."
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