Writing and Reading

I've discovered, I'm starting to write more and more in my online "journal" (blog) than my actual journal. It's just become easier to use my online journal lately...I'll type it out on my computer in "Word Pad" and then cut and paste it into my journal when I'm able to get online...it forces me to look at what I'm writing/I've written vs. before when I would just type and not pay attention to a thing I've written. I think it's important for me to see the thoughts and feelings I'm getting out, otherwise I won't be able to know what I need to work through, instead of getting everything out and bottling up all of the feelings behind what I've written. I'm making this one of the sections of my puzzle, working out my emotions and feelings...not just on my own, but knowing what needs to be worked through. In the end, it'll make my time in counseling more productive...I'll know exactlly what I want to talk to, or am ready to talk about.
For one to have to read what they're writing in their journal after not reading it in a ,very long time...it's odd. I can say that on a 0-10 scale, 0 being wanting to put needles in my eyes 10 being wanting to streak in public, on my comfort level when it comes to me reading what I write....I'm at about a 3. This isn't something that I'm used to, but in time I'm sure I'll get used to it. It's like pulling a band-aide off slowely, hurts at first...but then not so much.
In time I'll read all of my journal posts, one by one. Again, in time...slowly. Things that are productive to bettering one's self, it often takes time...what we want and what Yashuah intends for our lives are often two different things. Right now, I'm thinking that even though I've only lived here a short time...I feel as though I'm possibly being lead in another direction. What is intended for my life right now, I don't know...all I know is that I need to continue to listen to Him. I've often looked at life as being one step foward and two steps back...when in actuality, it's three steps foward and one step back. We, as humans with having our own choice, are constantly running away from Yashuah and ourselves....when we run He continues to follow us. He chases after us, unlike our friends or family...they eventually get tired of chasing after us and wait to see if we come back around, if we do - great...but if we don't - we don't. That's just the way life is, we can't run from ourselves or others forever...we must, eventually, face our own deamonds and work through them - regardless of how hard or painful it may be...if we don't we will never find true happiness in ourselves or the world.
I'm done running.

Yashuah loves me regardless of who I am.
I love myself for who I am, regardless of what others may say or think.
"Above all else: To thine own self be true..."