Not Crazy...yet?

I know that I'm not going completely crazy, but I am discovering the importance of taking my medication on a regular basis (I hear my bro's voice going "I told you so" or something to that effect..." in the back of my head. This past few days have been rather rough. I got in touch with my math teacher and he's going to switch me to the two quarter pace vs. what I was on (the one quarter pace) which will likely bring my grade up to a mid to high "B" possibly (hoping) a low "A" which would make me totally stoked. I've spent most of today working on homework so that I can try to get all "A's" in all if not majority of my classes. I think it's be a miracle for me to get all "A's" in my classes this quarter, but we'll see how it goes. Even though I don't like my life being "run" by medication...I've noticed that if I don't take them on a REGULAR basis then I'm not the only one that suffers...my family that I love and care about and that love and care about me suffer as well. It's hard to learn to be "me" because I've never been allowed to be "me"...I grew up always being told what to do and how to do it...now I'm being forced to make my own decisions. Which is not an easy thing to do. I'm starting to learn things that I should have learned when I was a teenager...and I'm thirty. It's scary. I'm not going to lie...I'm scared of this. I'm scared of being myself and inadvertently pushing everyone away from me that I love and care about. The past week or two have been emotionally rough...last week I had to walk out of two classes because I was crying for no apparent reason. The week before was worse...I don't know what to expect this coming week. I've already had to hold back tears in front of my bro yesterday...I felt foolish, because it was for no given reason. I'm so scared of loosing everyone around me. Even though I'm used to people coming and going through my life, this time I want it to be different...but I don't know how. I'm going to take my brother's suggestion and start the self talk again...from there I'm clueless as what to do from there...

but for now....

"God loves me for who and what I am, and I am important to Him."
I love me for who and what I am regardless of what others say...