No Excuses

This is weird, I know I should be completely excited...but, I'm (in reality) not. I found out via email from my math teacher that I got a "C" in his class, which is a passing grade. But I'm actually upset with myself, because I know I could have done better. I hate feeling the way I do all the time. I've been doing the "self-talk" that my brother's suggested I do. But right now...I just want to hide in a deep dark hole and NEVER come out. I don't understand this. I "should" be happy...I passed all my classes. But I could have gotten all "A's"...I failed to work hard enough. I...didn't try hard enough...I failed to ask for help when I didn't understand the work we were doing. I'm tired of this, I'm not sure I'll succeed next quarter. This past quarter was "easy" classes...next quarter I know my classes are going to be MUCH harder...and I'm not smart enough for the more difficult courses. My Psych classes this past quarter, she didn't go by the book, most of the questions on the quizzes were "opinion" questions (in your own opinion) or open book...her final was show up fill out the questionnaire and you passed the final...don't show up your grade drops two grades (ie: you have a "B+" it'll drop to a ("B" or "C+") the writing assignments were easy too (the only difficult part, for me, was dealing with the emotions attached to them)...but over all, it was a "fly" course. In reality I didn't learn much of anything...I showed up, tried to take notes (which in the end were pointless) and participated in the group discussion activities. A monkey could have passed that class. My study skills class was almost the same except she actually gave assignments...but they were still easy assignments. I think that the only reason I got a "B" in my English class was because I quit caring...it was around the time of day that most of my medication would start to wear off. That and because later in the quarter during the class I would start to cry for no apparent reason and have to walk out in hopes that no one would notice, and because of this I would miss some of class and what she was talking about. My math class, I failed to ask questions when I didn't understand something...I just failed to try.

In the end...I'm an idiot. I don't know...maybe I don't deserve to be around anymore. I've got a few ways to fix my problem...