Should I be...I don't know???

Okay, so (I guess) good news today. Got a call from housing asking if we were still interested in moving into Hallmark apartments, which is off campus apartments...I explained to him that we were already in Hallmark apartments and that we were waiting for a house to become available, and that we were told that it would be about Summer before on would become available. He then said that I was lucky, because one had just become available and that if I liked it he'd bump our name up on the waiting list. So, I went with him to get the "grand tour" of the house...and it's cute. It would definitely work for us. We got to talking on the way back and he told us the price and that we'd have to pay a small landscaping fee (cutting the grass and such) which I'm fine with, and that the house would be ready in 3-4 weeks...then when he mentioned the rent and that was based on the fact that it's "technically" a two bedroom (when actuality it's about a 4 bedroom. Which REALLY works for us. It has washer/dryer hookups, which we do not have either. Now, you would think that I'd be thrilled about finally getting into a house...but in reality it doesn't matter. I hate feeling like this. I don't care.

On top of all matters, I thought I had made it two weeks w/o cutting (today would have made the two week mark)...I failed on that just like everything else. I tried to get my mind off of feeling the way I do and divert my attention to something else...but I couldn't even do that. Lately it seems as though I can't do anything right. The only two things I know I can do right is cut my wrists and make it all go away (but with my luck I'd fail at that too. I feel so stupid and like an idiotic moron...I have no clue how I even passed my classes...especially considering the fact that I quit caring about them about a month before the end of the quarter...I'm not sure I really care about the new quarter at this point. I'm trying SO hard to put on this facade of a mask that I'm okay, when in reality I'M NOT! I'm searching and waiting for that deep dark hole to appear so that I can hide in it and never...ever come out.