Let's make this very clear....I HATE MATH!!! I'm not sure I'm going to pass this stupid fucking class...I'm going to end up having to take this stupid class again next quarter, which means I'm going to have to choose one of my classes that I'm actually looking forward to taking next quarter and drop it just so I can take this stupid class all over again and fail it again. I hate this! I'm not even sure why I chose to waste money to return to school. I think I'd be better off not here at all. I doubt anyone would notice me gone or care. I hate this. The only classes I'm actually passing are 2 classes that the teachers don't even go by the book and 1 class that is like taking a high school class all over again. All of which I'm convinced they're just passing me either to get me out of their class or because they feel sorry for me. Either way...this SUCKS!!! I have to go to medical once a week to pick up one of my meds in which I don't even take regularly, because I'm sick and tired of medication running my life....I want to be the one running my life. NOTHING and NO ONE else!!! RJ keeps getting ticked at me because I borrow his clothes...it's not like they can't get washed or anything. I've explained to him countless times that 95% of the clothes that I own I hate. Part of the problem is the fact that he hates who/what I am. NOT like I chose to be a lesbian....NOT like I chose the torment that I went through during High School or in the Navy. I'm trying to accept myself for ME, he makes it SO hard most days....most of the time I don't even think he notices me. I'm sure that if I weren't here anymore he wouldn't notice. I'm not even sure my own daughter would notice I'm gone....I'm not sure who/if anyone would notice me being gone. I have to put on this "happy-go-lucky" mask everyday, just so people don't see how miserable I REALLY am. My family (parents) wouldn't even miss me. The only reason my mother (the incubator) calls me is to talk to Bug...and my father (the sperm donor) doesn't hardly call, so I'm sure I don't matter to him. Financially, I'm worth nothing...so a will wouldn't be necessary, RJ would automatically get custody of Bug....so I'm not sure why I even stick around anymore. We were talking about divorce, but nether of us can afford to pay for it or to live on our own....hell we're barely making it by right now. We're going to run out of money in about 2 weeks...we had to borrow money to keep our cell phones turned on, how we're going to pay that back I have no clue. My brother keeps telling me to trust in God...I'm having trouble even doing that...I don't know anymore. All I know is.....
I just want out!!!
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