Numb

I can't seem to get past this feeling...actually I don't think I would call it a "feeling" because I'm not actually "feeling" anything. I'm pretty much completely numb. Which is odd considering I usually feel like this only when all I want to do is sleep...not when I'm going through not being able to sleep. I don't understand this. Everyone I see always seems to be happier then me. I dare say it pisses me off. I've never not been able to explain things...I'm probably more informed then any one person should be, that hasn't stepped foot into a college level psych class, about matters concerning psychology...but considering I've never liked not being able to comprehend what I'm being told by anyone; teachers, doctors, psychiatrists, psychologist...anyone. So, anyone that has ever not liked not understanding then you'll know how bonkers I'm going.

Now before my solution to this "problem" of feeling numb would have been cutting myself. Yes, I will admit I used to cut myself (I've got several scares from it too). My therapist that I had when I lived in FL gave me the suggestion of keeping a rubber band on my wrist and snapping it harder and harder when I felt like cutting myself. Problem number two...the rubber band thing isn't working. Hence where I'm stuck.

I'm wanting to, even though I know I shouldn't.....