Well, today's been...interesting, to say the least. Started off with next to no sleep but I felt pretty well rested most of the day. I tried to rest for a bit mid-day before my daughter's appointment/Christmas party that she had today. That was a mistake for me to go to...I forgot how well I don't do in large crowds...the more I tried to get her to leave the more SHE wanted to stay. I finally had to tell her that "mom can't handle all the people anymore" and that we had to go. By that point I wanted to find some place to hide and not come out (my stress/anxiety level went from about a 6-7 to a 10 by that point). Then by the time we got home I had to feed her dinner and get her ready for volleyball, because she had a game tonight. I'm so thankful that there weren't as many people at the game tonight as there has been at her past games. I can't handle a lot of people at one time right now. The (I guess you could say) nap I took earlier didn't help with my stress level either. I set my alarm so that I wouldn't stay asleep for too long (to keep me from having any dreams) and needless to say that didn't work. I still ended up having a dream/flashback...I was only asleep for about an hour (if that)...I'm starting to hate sleep. I don't want to sleep. I don't need (much) sleep. I can survive b/t now and getting back from my trip on just a few hours of sleep. To top all matters off....my husband is getting back a day early (tomorrow vs. Thursday) so I'm not looking forward to that...I'm not ready to deal with him being home. I don't want to have to deal with him being here...because then I'm going to have to answer the 20 questions of why I don't want to talk to him on the phone and why am I "mad at him" (which I'm not)...I just don't want to have to deal with him right now. I'm going to have to also face him asking "why don't you say 'I love you' to me anymore." I don't want to tell him that it's because I don't know how I really feel about him....
I think I'm starting to loose it...
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