Well, today couldn't have gone much more...interestingly. I spoke to my sister, probably a huge mistake, today. I can't say that there was much talking on my part...except for the part where we agree that when she (our mother) interacts with Bug she's not the same woman that raised us, "she's just an old woman trying to get her way into heaven" to quote my sister. Essentially she told me that our mother has been really upset lately, she feels as though I'm trying to shut her out of my life. I explained to her that I'm not trying to shut her out of my life, that I just need my space...I need to focus on where I want to go with my life. I need to focus on myself, my husband and daughter without any outside influence. I explained to my sister why I haven't called our mother and that if she'd of been more civil when talking to me, regardless of the situation, then things wouldn't of ended up the way that they are right now. I then attempted to call my mother, only to talk to my step-dad and have to listen to him about how my mother's been "crying all day" about "something to do with facebook among other things". When I asked if she was available, apparently she had locked herself in her room (no they don't share a room) and apparently "has been sleeping all day". I tried to call her on her cell phone and it went to voice mail...I did leave a pleasant voice message and let Bug wish her "Merry Christmas" on the voice mail. I tried.
But the thing that's got me a bit worried...she hasn't called me back yet. She's un-medicated bipolar. I've seen her do some dangerous things when she's in a severe low. She's mixed medication that shouldn't be taken together with alcohol...I may be upset with her. But I still care and worry about her.
The other thing that's got me thinking, if she was really worried about me cutting her out of our lives (mine and Bug's) why would she delete Bug off of her FB account. I never took her off of Bug's FB. She took herself off of Bug's and RJ's FB...I only deleted her from my FB account. I don't get her.
I'm so worried about her right now...I'm worried that she's going to do something stupid. If she does something stupid I don't think I'd ever forgive myself.
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