What now???

...so today has been relaxing. Interesting, yet relaxing. I've discovered something though, RJ bores me. As a person, he's boring. I dare not tell him... He used to be into going out for walks and such, but (for instance) today, all he wanted to do was sleep. Of course I had to agree to go back to the apartment and "relax" for the day...it's now 6pm and he's just now up. Oi!

To top all matters...
I'm starting to question my love for him. I'm not sure if my "feelings" for him are the same or even close to that of any of my ex's. There are more times lately that it's hard to even tolerate him. His attitude lately, towards not only me but Bug too. He's been...a jerk. I've tried being nice to him...but I give up. It doesn't help. From this point on...I'm going to be me. Regardless of how it makes him feel. I'm so sick of him and his attitude. He says he wants me to be me...but then when I am, he gets this attitude about it. I'm not going to hide who I am anymore. Not for anyone. I think he's afraid of me "turning" Bug gay...I had asked him once (a while back) if she, later on in life, came to us saying that she likes girls would he blame me? He, quite bluntly, said "yes." When asked why..."because you're the only one who would allow her to make that choice." Now, it's like if I slip and say that I find another female beautiful or attractive (usually referring to an actress on tv) he gets super ticked...especially if Bug's in the room. He's worried about me "turning Bug gay"...ummm...hate to break it to him, but you can't make someone gay.

Maybe I'm just a little overly stress over this move and trying to figure out who I am. One thing I do think I know, I'm definitely not straight, I don't think I'm bi either...which makes things very hard right now. It makes where I'm at right now in life very difficult.

Where do I go from here???
What next???