Ok, so even though yesterday wasn't necessarily productive towards my getting back into school...it was still productive. I got to relax some yesterday, which was cool...and yesterday afternoon/evening T and I got to talk, I also discovered that I wasn't able to hold anything in anymore. I've held in all the hurt and anguish for so long, I couldn't take it anymore. I feel a bit embarrassed crying in front of T, mostly because I've not cried in so long. The more I tried to hold it in, the harder it got to hold it in. I know that some of the stuff I told him is stuff that I hadn't told anyone in a LONG time. I'm pretty much "the family secret". When I was out for my sister's graduation (for her undergrad) I had some of her friends say "oh I didn't know you had a sister". The look on my mom and sister's faces said enough to let me know that I don't get mentioned much, if at all. ...you know what? I'm fine with that (now). They can't tell me who to and not to tell what to, when it comes to my past, they're not the ones that have had to live with the memories this entire time. I have and I'm going to work through them so that I can live my life.
I also discovered how, weird, it feels for someone to tell me that they "love" me and "accept" me for "who" I am. I've never had anyone (other than those I've dated) tell me or express that to me. I wasn't sure how to take it at first. I'm still a little baffled by it...but I know that T wouldn't lie to me, so I accept that's how he and his family feel. The other weird thing is he asked if he could be my pseudo-brother, seeing that the only "family" I have (for the most part) treat me like crap. It took me a bit to take in...but I said "yes". So, I guess I have a big brother now :)
I did manage to get some decent sleep last night...of course I did fall asleep in tears, mostly because I was still dealing with a lot of the emotions from T and I talking...but I slept, and the times I did wake up all I had to do was get a drink of water and I fell right back to sleep. Most mornings I've been waking up feeling blase...yesterday and today...I feel "hopeful".
"God and T's family love me and accept me for who I am and I am important to them."
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