__ you were the first person I trusted to be close to me, to hold me, to touch me in a long time...I trust(ed) you, I love(d) you...yet through your anger and rage...you hurt me. We had been together for two years, I thought everything was going good, and then you hit me...why? I thought you loved me. Every time you get angry, I'm scared. That wasn't the only time...I can see it in your eyes now, when you get mad or angry. I'm afraid of you. I should not be afraid of you. I'm afraid of you because I don't know when or if you'll hit me again. I don't know when or if you'll hit our daughter. We love you...but when you get mad, we're scared of you.
When we first got together, you knew of my past and my issues with intimacy; you promised that it would go at my pace, yet you (like all the others) took advantage of me. I said "no" because I wanted to wait. I wasn't ready. You didn't listen. Even today, you don't listen...I love you. I still go to my "safe place" when you don't listen, or when you wait until I'm asleep (and I wake up), so that I don't feel the pain. I'm not perfect, I know this...but still I try....
I just wish you would listen. I think things would be different, better maybe, if you would listen.
I know that there are times that I may get frustrated with you for "no apparent reason" and I'm sorry. I don't mean to yell, I don't mean to say things that hurt you...I'm trying my best to communicate better. Just be patient with me.
I love you...even though you hurt me still....
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